4/9 update on my battle against breast cancer

Hi everyone,
Well, I’ve had my doctor’s appointment today and there was good news and not so good news. The good news is that I’m stage 3, not 4 which is the worst. Also, the cancer has not gone into the bones or any major organs. Unfortunately, it is the most aggressive grade of cancer.

However, there are several nodules on my lungs that are small so they cannot tell if they are cancer or granulomas, which are a result of my auto-immune disease, sarcoidosis. They are small enough that surgery is not needed and the doctors will make sure they continue to watch the nodules during chemo and see if the get smaller and/or go completely away. If they do, then they most likely are lung cancer. If they stay the same and nothing changes, they are most likely the granulomas from the sarcoid. We will cross that bridge when we come to it and I should have more information at a later time. Most likely in about a month.

As for the chemo, I start on Monday the 14th. I will have chemo every other week and for the first four treatments, they will be giving me two types of chemo at once. They will take about 2 hours. After the four treatments are done, they will start me on a third chemo which I will continue to take until it is over. They will take about 5 hours because they will need to deliver the chemo in my port slower. However, they are still waiting for a test called the HER2 Protein test to come back. If it comes back positive, they will start a fourth chemo at the same time as the third one. But, this fourth chemo to treat the HER2 protein might need to be taken for up to a year. After chemo is all done, then I’ll start the radiation.

They gave me all the side effects to expect; fatigue, weight loss, possible mouth sores, losing my hair, and nausea, etc. They have prescribed three drugs for me to take to combat the nausea. I sure hope they work! J I’m going to a wig store tomorrow to consult about getting a wig. Maybe I’ll become a blonde or a brunette!?!?! What do you all think? Ha Ha…I might really look scary as a blonde or brunette with my coloring!

I think the saddest news they told me and what was such a sucker punch, was that I will be forced into early menopause. Therefore no kids. It’s ironic…..I never wanted children my whole life (since I was 12) until about three years ago. God put a desire in my heart and I wanted to have children and now I won’t be able to have them. They said I could try to harvest my eggs before the chemo, but unfortunately, that won’t work. It will take about 1-2 months to harvest my eggs and my chemo is the most aggressive kind and I cannot wait that long to start chemo. So, unless I can harvest them in the next four days…..I don’t think it’s going to happen. Also, the chance of recurrence of this kind of cancer is 30-50% and typically when it comes back it has a high rate of coming back as an incurable cancer with very low survival rates.

Currently, the doctors give me a 70, possibly 80 percent chance of survival with this chemo and radiation treatment. Then I’ll need to pray that the cancer doesn’t recur, especially as an incurable cancer (i.e. bone, lung).

Basically, I’m grieving the loss of being able to have my own children and also the sense of losing my femininity. I’ve been told the grieving process is normal in this situation and it will just take time to process through all the emotions and loss. I know there are other options out there, but I still need to grieve. I covet your prayers during this process. I know the Lord is in control and can do miracles. I trust Him with my life and I know that whatever happens, He will turn to good. He is my refuge and my safe haven. And most importantly, the Lord is our Great Physician and my life is in His hands. Who knows, maybe He will perform a miracle and give me a child of my own. He did for Sarah, and boy was she post menopausal! J

I know today was completely covered in prayer. I could feel it. I keep saying two little words that seem so inadequate……but, there are no others to say so, THANK YOU. I love you all and appreciate you all for your support. May God bless you abundantly as you have bless me! I will write more after my chemo next week.

Blessings,Noëlle