What the Lord has spoken to me....

Family and Friends,

I have been blessed with so many scriptures the Lord has given me that have kept my spirits up and have given me hope regarding the cancer I'm fighting. I would like to share those scriptures with you so that the Lord's word can be hidden in your heart and will give you hope as well.

Deut. 30:19-20
“Now choose life, so that you and your children may live. And that you may love the Lord your God, listen to His voice and hold fast to Him. For the Lord is your life, and He will give you many years in the land He swore to [you].”

You see the Lord has promised me a husband and I take the last line as confirmation that He has many years planned for me and my future family! The Lord is my life and He never breaks his promises.

Psalm 41:2,3
“²The Lord will protect him and preserve his life…”
“³The Lord will sustain him on his sickbed and restore him from his bed of illness.”

The Lord gave me this scripture just the other day. How reassuring is that! Praise God.


When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I asked the Lord to give a scripture to hold on to. I randonmly opened my Bible to John Chapter 11. As I began to read the story of Lazarus, I realized what it meant for me and my life.

You see, I feel the Lord telling me the cancer is not a sickness unto death, but to reveal the Glory of GOD! As the world might see the cancer diagnosis, especially the brain and lung, as a death sentence, I don't. I see it as an opportunity to show God's glory and love to everyone, believers and non-believers alike. The cancer may look like death or that I'm going to die, but the Lord has promised me victory over this. And by His grace, love, and mercy, He will reveal Himself to people through this season.

I know the scripture below is long, but I encourage you to read it and hold on to it like I have. May God be revealed to you in new ways through this season.


John 11:1-44

The Death of Lazarus
11:1 Now a certain man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village where Mary and her sister Martha lived. 11:2 (Now it was Mary who anointed the Lord with perfumed oil and wiped his feet dry with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick.) 11:3 So the sisters sent a message to Jesus, “Lord, look, the one you love is sick.” 11:4 When Jesus heard this, he said, “This sickness will not lead to death, but to God’s glory, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” 11:5 (Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.)
11:6 So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he remained in the place where he was for two more days. 11:7 Then after this, he said to his disciples, “Let us go to Judea again.” 11:8 The disciples replied, “Rabbi, the Jewish leaders were just now trying to stone you to death! Are you going there again?” 11:9 Jesus replied, “Are there not twelve hours in a day? If anyone walks around in the daytime, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world. 11:10 But if anyone walks around at night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him.”
11:11 After he said this, he added, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep. But I am going there to awaken him.” 11:12 Then the disciples replied, “Lord, if he has fallen asleep, he will recover.” 11:13 (Now Jesus had been talking about his death, but they thought he had been talking about real sleep.)
11:14 Then Jesus told them plainly, “Lazarus has died, 11:15 and I am glad for your sake that I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.” 11:16 So Thomas (called Didymus) said to his fellow disciples, “Let us go too, so that we may die with him.”

Speaking with Martha and Mary
11:17 When Jesus arrived, he found that Lazarus had been in the tomb four days already. 11:18 (Now Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem, 11:19 so many of the Jewish people of the region had come to Martha and Mary to console them over the loss of their brother.) 11:20 So when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary was sitting in the house. 11:21 Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 11:22 But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will grant you.”
11:23 Jesus replied, “Your brother will come back to life again.” 11:24 Martha said, “I know that he will come back to life again in the resurrection at the last day.” 11:25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live even if he dies, 11:26 and the one who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” 11:27 She replied, “Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God who comes into the world.”
11:28 And when she had said this, Martha went and called her sister Mary, saying privately, “The Teacher is here and is asking for you.” 11:29 So when Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. 11:30 (Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still in the place where Martha had come out to meet him.) 11:31 Then the people who were with Mary in the house consoling her saw her get up quickly and go out. They followed her, because they thought she was going to the tomb to weep there.
11:32 Now when Mary came to the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” 11:33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the people who had come with her weeping, he was intensely moved in spirit and greatly distressed. 11:34 He asked, “Where have you laid him?” They replied, “Lord, come and see.” 11:35 Jesus wept. 11:36 Thus the people who had come to mourn said, “Look how much he loved him!” 11:37 But some of them said, “This is the man who caused the blind man to see! Couldn’t he have done something to keep Lazarus from dying?”

Lazarus Raised from the Dead
11:38 Jesus, intensely moved again, came to the tomb. (Now it was a cave, and a stone was placed across it.) 11:39 Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the deceased, replied, “Lord, by this time the body will have a bad smell, because he has been buried four days.” 11:40 Jesus responded, “Didn’t I tell you that if you believe, you would see the glory of God?” 11:41 So they took away the stone. Jesus looked upward and said, “Father, I thank you that you have listened to me. 11:42 I knew that you always listen to me, but I said this for the sake of the crowd standing around here, that they may believe that you sent me.” 11:43 When he had said this, he shouted in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” 11:44 The one who had died came out, his feet and hands tied up with strips of cloth, and a cloth wrapped around his face. Jesus said to them, “Unwrap him and let him go.”


God Bless You All,
Noelle

I realized I haven't given and update....

I finally finished the full brain radiation treatments on Monday. They will wait 2-3 months for the swelling to go down and the radiation to get fully out of my system before they will do another MRI scan of the brain. This is so they can get the most accurate scan possible. Once I have the scan done, they will see what is left of the tumors and at that point will, if need be, start what is called Gamma Knife Radiation. GKR is a more accurate laser radiation which they will target the tumors specifically instead of the whole brain.

As for the lung cancer, well I don't know if you remember, but the cancer I have is HER2+ which makes it very aggressive. There are only two drugs that are FDA approved to treat HER2+ cancer. Herceptin, which I have been on since August of 2008. I'll continue that for a year and stop it August 2009. The other drug is Tykerb, which is specifically for stage 4 metastatic HER2+ cancer that has spread to the brain and other major organs. Tykerb is known to actually be able to cross the blood brain barrier which chemo's and Herceptin fail to do. That is why most brain cancers are treated with radiation. Anyway, they are extremely optimistic with me being on both the Herceptin and Tykerb.

The Herceptin is an infusion in my port-catheter every three weeks. It takes about 2 hours. But, the Tykerb is a pill I'll take about 5 times a day. They will adjust it down to maybe 3 or 4 depending on how my body reacts to it. It has an apparent side effect with your GI system. But, once I find the right amount my body can tolerate, I'll be on that daily for an indefinite amount of time.
So, that's the plan. My spirits are strong and as long as I get sleep, I feel good.

God Bless,
Noelle

SLEEP!!!!!! I need it....

Hi everyone,

Well, the full brain radiation treatments are over! Praise God....no seizures! I did have extreme fatigue and I'm losing my hair again. And I have this oh so lovely rash on my face! Needless to say, it kinda stinks being a redhead with fair skin cause you get all the lovely rashes and allergic reactions! Go figure, like you don't have enough to deal with. :-)

I was extremely blessed to have been so fatigued by the radiation that I finally slept more than 5 hours in a night. Since being diagnosed a year ago, the treatments (chemo, steriods, etc.) have all caused insonmia. It can be a side effect that lasts for quite some time, according to the doctors. Even years after chemo. I haven't slept more than maybe 6 hours in the past year! And, if you knew me before the cancer diagnosis, you would know that I was a GOOD sleeper! I was really GOOD! Loved it! We are talking 10, 12, 14 hours a night. My family used to joke that my heart didn't start beating until double digits in the AM.

So, when all of a sudden, with the full brain radiation, I could sleep 8 hours through the night AND take a 2 hour nap in the daytime I was thrilled! And it really helped with the symptoms I was experiencing with my motor skills. The big tumor in the brain is in my cerebellum, deep next to the brain stem. It has been messing with all my motor skills like walking, balance, writing, reading, speaking, etc. Well, with sleep and of course the radiation, the side effects were improving considerably. However, if I didn't get a nap, or did something mentally challenging, I grew more fatigued and my side effects got worse as the day went on.

Now, however, since the radiation stopped on Monday, I haven't been able to sleep during the night or during the naps. It's really been effecting me. My side effects are worsening. I saw my doctor today and we are going to try a new sleeping pill along with another medication that is supposed to make you tired. Hopefully, the two pills together will do the trick. Please pray that this concoction will work and if not, we will be able to figure out what will.

I would love it if I just was able to sleep again, so please pray for a miracle. I am grateful for everyone's prayers and support. I hope God blesses each and everyone of you tenfold.

Blessings,
Noelle

Well...

Well, no big shock, but still a bummer. The lung biopsy came back positive for cancer. So, the cancer has spread to my brain and lungs. However, the course of treatment remains the same, so that is good news.

I'm positive this treatment plan will do what is necessary and help me along. I thank you for all your prayers and support. I really do feel them. I feel confident and strong. I'm thanking God every moment for His grace.

And I thank Him every day for you all. May He bless you tenfold.

I'll keep you updated.

N~

One week down, two to go

Hi everyone~

Well, I have successfully finished my first week of brain radiation. And praise God, no seizures! I have to tell you though, I had planned my move to my new house this past week before I ever got the news that the cancer had spread to my brain. I personally don't recommend moving, starting brain radiation, and steriods in the same week! E-gads!

But, God truly blessed me with angels from everywhere. Between my family, friends, and great neighbors, I am all moved in! YEAH! And I love my new house. It's like my own little sanctuary. The animals are settling in, too. I think this will be the perfect place for me in this season of my life....to heal and rest.

Well, radiation is tiring to say the least. But, again, no seizures so I really can't complain. I'm still having some serious issues with motor skills and memory, but that is to be expected. Unfortunately, I still haven't heard back on my lung biopsy. Regardless, my medical oncologist is going to start me on a new drug whether it comes back positive or not. It would be the drug he would put me on if it were positive, so I guess that's a good thing. Want to be careful.

I've found out that after the three weeks of complete brain radiation, they will do another brain scan to see how the tumors are shrinking. If they are still there, they will most likely do a biopsy of the tumors at that time to see if there is any additional cancers in the brain. Apparently, you can have more than one type of cancer in the brain at once. So, they'll want to make sure they are targeting all cancer(s) with the appropriate treatment. If they find there are still tumors in the brain after the three week treatment, then they will break out the "big guns" and use Gamma Knife Radiation to target the specific tumors.

Between my medical oncologist, radiation oncologist, and my neurosurgeon/neurological oncologists at Barrows Neurological Center all taking on my case, I feel I'm in great hands. I'm feeling positive.....tired, but very hopeful.

The only thing that is quite annoying is being grounded from so many things I usually take for granted. I so used to being self-sufficient and it is hard to go to do something and find it's hard to do. I cannot drive, I cannot use knives, I can't take walks for very long, my writing is atrocious. I even got lost and I've fallen a couple of times. I think this part is the most frustrating for me. I feel like I'm slowly losing my independence.

I shouldn't complain though. I've heard it could get worse and I'm still able to do so much still. Thank goodness.

Well, I'm going to hit the hay. I'll keep you posted on my progress. Thank you all again for your love, support, encouragement, and most of all you prayers.

God Bless
N~